Phil is jazzed to share the wonders of residential real estate with Luke and Manny’s classmates for career day. Gloria challenges Jay’s claims of always wanting to become a novelist. Mitch and Cam make a costly mistake while executing tooth fairy duties.

Jay and Manny oppose Gloria's decision to hire a male nanny. Phil and Jay try to cheer up Frank. Mitch and Cam ask Pepper to help plan their wedding.

It’s male-bonding day when Jay takes Luke into the garage to show him the way around tools and impart some manly wisdom, and Gloria goes with Claire and Lily to shop for Lily’s flower girl dress. Elsewhere, Mitch, Cam, Alex and Manny go for a cultured day at the museum but it eventually becomes survival of the smartest. And Phil enthusiastically offers to help Andy with his anniversary gift to his girlfriend, which is an elaborate video expression of his love.

The Dunphys are down with a cold, thanks to Phil. Jay and Gloria try to help Manny deal with playing football, and Cameron doesn't know how much playtime to give him. Mitchell debates with Lily's new friend, Sydney.

When Phil thinks Luke is giving him the cold shoulder, Andy becomes Phil's new right-hand man. Joe might be allergic to Stella.

Haley gets back together with Dylan. Alex and Sanjay plan their breakup since they are both going off to college. Mitchell avoids finding a new job and takes up art. Jay and Gloria try to find a good preschool for Joe.

Phil has a new client whom he tries to hide from his wife because she's attractive, while Claire would rather keep her hot yoga instructor a secret. Jay becomes preoccupied making a Web show, but is tormented by an Internet troll. Lily is nervous about learning to ride a bicycle, and her parents aren't exactly the best teachers.

Dede is getting remarried, and Manny convinces the family to take the train up to the wedding. Jay could not be more ecstatic that Dede has moved on for good but his overenthusiasm might come back and bite him later. Claire and Mitchell work on their toast while Phil and Cam geek out over their favorite author, who is also on the train. Luke and Manny go a little girl crazy; Gloria gets stuck in coach; and Alex gets caught up in the romance of the train herself.

The Dunphys and Pritchett’s are going head-to-head when Luke decides his best chance at getting into college is running for senior class president against Manny. The outcome of this election is even more important to Jay, Gloria and Claire, who prove to be dubious campaign managers. Now that Haley has started her own promotion business, Phil insists on introducing her to marketing guru Merv Schechter, who hasn’t seen a stress ball he can’t slap a logo on yet. Meanwhile, Cam finds out his star football player is moving away and makes a rash decision that is going to make home life a little cramped for Mitch and Cam.

Trying to recover from his Thanksgiving debacle, Cam decides to treat the family to a New Year's Day feast. After realizing that Cam's recent attempt is also a complete fail and in order to salvage their meal, Mitch uses a "concierge gift card" that he received as a Christmas gift. Cam soon discovers that the concierge who is on his way to save the day is none other than his ex-boyfriend, Keifth, a former circus ringmaster who left him without saying goodbye. Meanwhile, Phil's dad, Frank arrives with his new girlfriend, who happens to be Phil's childhood babysitter, which sets him on a confusing tailspin. Finally, Gloria and Jay have to decide who should take care of little Joe if something should ever happen to them.

After choking at last year’s charity basketball game, Phil has been training all year to redeem himself. However, when NBA stars Charles Barkley and DeAndre Jordan attend the game and start making bets, Phil tries to not buckle under the pressure. Meanwhile, Gloria has to step-up at Manny’s school when her nemesis, Donna Duncan, tries to shame her for her lack of support at the school. Finally, Claire does whatever it takes to keep a work mistake secret from Jay, while Jay’s concerned that Joe doesn’t have a healthy fear of him at all.

Everyone deserves a little alone time now and then, so when Mitch and Jay separately seek out a much-needed retreat from the family and end up at the same resort, it becomes clear just how “related” they really are. Meanwhile, Phil and Claire can’t seem to really enjoy the empty-nester life, and Cam, not knowing what to do with himself while Mitch is away, drops in on Gloria’s to lend a hand.

Phil and Claire realize that Alex may be more self-sufficient in college than they give her credit for when they drop in for a quick visit. Meanwhile, Manny is determined to avoid a long tearful goodbye after Gloria and Jay move him into his college dorm. Finally, Mitch may have accidentally accelerated a planned renovation, and Hayley gets an unexpected opportunity when she befriends a wealthy female member at the country club.

Claire’s request to build a “She Shed” in their backyard is denied by the homeowners association and only Luke and Phil know the real reason why. Meanwhile Pameron lets Cam in on a family secret that forces him to visit Mitch’s therapist to work through this new information.

Mitchell sneaks out to “Hero-Con” with fanboy Phil, dressed as their favorite characters from the show “Clash of Swords.” It’s great until Phil commits the ultimate fan faux pas. In a clash of another kind, Gloria’s dinosaur party for Joe is ruined when her nemesis, Dr. Donna Duncan, upstages her with a far bigger and better party right next door.

Dylan and Luke are really impressed with Bill’s tales of heroism and survival as a firefighter, which make Phil feel emasculated. To impress the guys, he invites them over for a little male-bonding moment that goes terribly wrong.