Tucker Cawley — Writer
Episodes 37
Look Don't Touch
Nemo's niece, Angelina, takes employment at Nemo's as a waitress at Nemo's. When Angelina catches Ray's eye, he has a lot of explaining to do to his wife, Debra especially when Angelina calls him at home. Ray accidentally leaves his wallet at Nemo's, and Angelina calls him at home to let him know she found it. But, because he feels guilty about his innocent attraction, Ray denies ever knowing her. When the situation is blown out of proportion by the Barone family, Debra decides to visit Nemo's to see what all the fuss is about.
Read MoreFrank, the Writer
When Frank gets a few anecdotes published in Reader's Digest, he submits his writing samples to Ray's editor, hoping to get his own column in the newspaper. Frank, feeling he has a new lease on life, convinces Ray to submit his story ideas for the column, which he plans to call "I Was Just Thinking." Ray then has to break the news to his father that the editor thinks Frank's writing is the most embarrassing work he's ever read.
Read MoreCaptain Nemo
When Ray's "free" time goes to coaching his basketball team in preparation for the Pizza League championships, he is reminded by Debra that their kids are growing up fast and he's missing precious time with them. When Robert is forced out as captain of Nemo's basketball team, Ray gets the title and the opportunity to lead his team to victory. Meanwhile, Frank and Marie are upset with Ray for de-throning Robert as captain, and feeling guilty Ray begs Robert to re-join the team.
Read MoreFascinatin' Debra
A popular radio psychologist comes to the house to interview Debra for a book on the American family. But the doctor finds that the rest of the eccentric Barones are more captivating, leaving "normal" Debra feeling left out because she's not "quirky or funny or interesting."
Read MoreRay's on TV
Ray is devastated when he discovers his family lied to him about his television debut on a sports chat show. When he gets a second chance to appear on the show, his family decides it's time they gave him some pointers on how to correct his awkwardness with certain words. While Ray tries his best to remember his family's advice, his guest appearance turns out to be even more disastrous than the debut.
Read MoreGood Girls
Debra discovers that her mother-in-law, Marie, likes Robert's girlfriend, Amy, better than she likes her because Amy is a "good girl." When Robert accidentally lets it slip to Marie that Amy is a virgin, Marie is thrilled to pieces. Jealous of the attention Amy is receiving from Marie, Raymond minimizes Debra's premarital activities, leading his mother to believe that Debra was a "good girl" too. When the family discovers why Marie has this sudden "purity" fixation, Robert and Raymond are in for a big surprise.
Read MoreThe Garage Sale
As the entire family prepares for "Honest Frank's Yard of Bargains," Ray is surprised to see Debra unloading their cribs and baby clothing for the sale and even more surprised to hear that she just assumed they were finished having children. As usual, their private business becomes a family matter, and Marie reminds Debra that, "You want to plant your seedlings before...winter comes and everything freezes over." Eventually, their disagreement leads to a sentimental journey down the lane of messy memories past. While collecting the kids' baby clothes and old furniture for a garage sale at his parents' house, Ray gets to thinking about having another child, but that's not something Debra has given much thought to.
Read MoreMoving Out
Feeling pathetic because he lives with his parents, Robert finally musters up the courage to move out on his own. Encouraged by Ray, and much to his parents’ horror, Robert packs up his bags, takes his dog and moves into a garage apartment. But the move affects the family more than they anticipated. They feel the absence of their relationship “buffer.” As Debra describes it, “He’s like.the lead apron at the dentist.” Meanwhile, Robert enjoys his newfound freedom, until Raymond comes to visit and points out that the older couple with whom he is living are really carbon copies of their own parents — from whom he was trying to get away.
Read MoreRay Home Alone
When Debra and the kids go away for the weekend, Ray is forced to confront the real reason he doesn’t want to stay home alone. What should have been a couple of days of bachelor living and freedom from responsibility for Ray instead turns into a harrowing experience — that can be traced all the way back to his childhood. Rather than enjoying the rare peace and solitude at his own home, Ray actually chooses to head across the street and spend time with Marie.
Read MoreNo Thanks
Inspired by how well the Barones got along at Thanksgiving dinner, Debra is intent on finding a way to improve her relationship with Marie. When Debra spends the whole day cooking with Marie, it's the perfect opportunity to test out her new ""shrug it off and let the criticisms roll off your back"" attitude that she feels will win Marie over.or will it? Meanwhile, Ray gets roped into having Frank and Robert accompany him to a car show, where he has his own method of getting along with his family.
Read MoreBully on the Bus
Ray and Debra have differing points of view on how best to handle the situation when they learn that Ally has been bullying another child on the school bus. Ray thinks Ally's pushiness comes from Debra. Meanwhile, Debra thinks if she doesn't instill that independence in Ally, she'll end up being a wuss - just like her dad. But, when push comes to shove and they confront Ally about how to better her behavior, they find themselves questioning their own parenting abilities.
Read MoreSomeone's Cranky
Still recuperating from his recent run-in with a bull, a cantankerous Robert is driving everyone crazy with his mean-spirited and nasty behavior. When Robert is told by his doctor that he will need two more weeks of convalescing at his parents' home before he can return to living on his own, everyone figures that's the reason for his foul attitude. But Debra gets to the heart of the matter when, playing amateur psychiatrist, she uncovers the real reason behind Robert's cruel conduct.
Read MoreRobert's Divorce
While out for a family dinner, the Barones spot Robert's ex-wife, which prompts them to reminisce about the demise of his marriage. The family tells Amy the truth about Robert's failed marriage to Joanne, whom Frank not-so-affectionately refers to as ""a nutcracker."" The surprise sighting also brings back some personally harrowing memories for Robert – although, when Joanne suggests the ex-spouses get together, Robert seems intrigued.
Read MoreThe Walk to the Door
Ray is mortified when he meets a girl whom he dated 25 years earlier and believes he treated with disrespect. Meeting Elizabeth again, Ray, wracked with guilt because he feels he didn't behave properly on their high school date, is determined to apologize. However, when he finds out the real reason Elizabeth went out with him that night long ago, he regrets ever bringing up the past. Meanwhile, Debra demands that Ray give her an example of something he regrets, but incredibly he can't come up with anything.
Read MoreStefania Arrives
Robert gets a surprise visit from Stefania, the woman with whom he fell head over heels in love when the Barones vacationed in Italy. Robert's excitement over having his beloved, and stunningly gorgeous, Stefania so close quickly gives way to annoyance when he is witness to a few of her idiosyncrasies. After spending some quality time with the Italian beauty, sans gelato and gondolas, Robert has to rethink his feelings for her. Meanwhile, Stefania's father, who has accompanied her to America, has his own change of heart with respect to his feelings for Robert.
Read MoreAlly's Birth
As Ray escorts Ally to a father-daughter dance, he realizes how grown up and independent his daughter has become. As a result, he begins to recall the day, nine years ago, when the Barone clan welcomed her into the family, but not without incident. In the flashback, expectant parents Ray and Debra are caught by surprise when Debra goes into labor in the back seat of Robert's patrol car, forcing him to be called into action. Meanwhile, Ray and Debra plot to keep a pushy Marie away from the delivery room until after the baby is born, not an easy feat.
Read MoreOlder Women
It's the first Thanksgiving since Debra's parents have been divorced and Debra is thrilled that both her parents have agreed to have dinner with the Barones. However, she soon learns that Warren is bringing a date. Everyone is horrified except Debra's mother, who thinks it's just great.
Read MoreSeason's Greetings
When Marie receives a letter from a relative detailing how wonderful her life is and how well her kids are doing, it drives Marie insane with jealousy. She enlists Debra's help in writing a Barone ""family update,"" but despite efforts to make everyone sound successful, the letter makes them all feel inadequate about what they have done – or not done.
Read MoreLucky Suit
Robert is ecstatic when he is recommended for an FBI job. That is, until it becomes apparent that Marie's intrusive ways may be his undoing. This time, she may have gone too far and Robert may not be able to forgive and forget.
Read MoreTalk to Your Daughter
Armed with research and much preparation, Ray is ready to speak with Ally about the facts of life only to find that Ally's interest has changed from where babies come from to the meaning of life. Totally unprepared for this line of questioning, a baffled Ray gets unsolicited advice from his family on how to answer.
Read MoreThe Bigger Person (2)
The feud continues when Ray realizes that he can use the feud to get Debra to do almost anything for him, dragging Frank into doing it with Marie. Things are going as planned, but Robert is sickened by their carelessness. The pressure gets to Robert and he tells both Debra and Marie that Ray and Frank are ""exploiting the situation"" in order to bring them back together. But, all it creates is more mayhem.
To Be Continued...
Read MoreThe Cult
Depressed that Marie and Debra can't seem to resolve their differences, Robert decides to join a support group that the family believes is a cult. After taking the feud between Marie and Debra very hard, Robert's cousin Gerard convinces him to attend a ""Pathway"" meeting – a group seeking the path to inner peace and unlocking one's potential. Although Robert is rejuvenated by his encounter with ""Pathway,"" the family is concerned it's a cult and they convince Ray to go to a meeting to see what Robert's gotten himself into.
Read MoreThe Thought That Counts
Robert gives Ray a great idea on what to get Debra for Christmas, but he isn't very happy when Ray takes all the credit for it.
Read MoreThe Plan
Yet another bump appears on the rocky road to Robert and Amy's wedding, which was nearly blocked by her disapproving parents. When the bride-to-be (Monica Horan) puts her betrothed (Brad Garrett) in charge of writing the wedding invitation, he seeks input from Ray and Frank. While they can't believe Robert let himself get roped into such a chore, they nevertheless come up with a plan: If Robert makes a mess of the job, it will convince Amy that she should take care of all the wedding plans herself. So the groom drafts an appalling mock invite---complete with the wrong date and names---and waits for Amy's reply...which is worse than he ever expected.
Read MoreBaggage
Ray and Debra wind up in a two-week standoff over a suitcase. When Robert asks Ray if he can borrow a suitcase sitting on the stairway landing for his honeymoon, Ray explains he and Debra have been locked in an ""unspoken"" battle of wills since a weekend trip over who is responsible for putting the suitcase away. Although Robert thinks Ray and Debra are insane, Frank and Marie can easily relate and offer their own words of wisdom – with Frank counseling Ray and Marie advising Debra on how to resolve their marital differences.
Read MoreLiars
Ray and Debra get caught up in telling lies in order to cover up previous falsehoods after Ray fibs to Marie about why he missed a scheduled time with her. When the lies snowball into an out of control degree, Marie picks up the scent and traces everything back to the initial fib. Marie seems to have won – until Frank reveals a damaging lie of her own.
Read MoreThe Bird
Robert and Amy convince their families to spend Thanksgiving together. When the Barones arrive at the Pennsylvania home of Amy's parents, they find that their differing family traditions encourage lots of lively conversation. If only the MacDougals owned a television set! Things start to come together when the families separate into Pilgrims and Indians for the annual MacDougal Thanksgiving Family Pageant. All is well until a bird flies into the house and Pat McDougal decides to ""put it out of it's misery.""
Read MoreSecurity
After Robert takes a second job selling home security systems, he reveals he's been asked to join the security firm full-time and is mulling over retiring from the police force early. While Marie is overjoyed, Amy questions if this is really what Robert wants or if he's only retiring early to make his mother happy. The disagreement about his future leads to a tense birthday party for Robert.
Read MoreGolf For It
Robert and Ray end up with the mother of all guilt trips when they decide not to help Marie with a home project so they can land a prime spot on the golf course. Their overnight wait in the car for a tee time becomes a brawl over their respective roles in their parents' future.
Read MoreThe Home
Frank and Marie return from a trip down to a retirement home in New Jersey when they tell the family that they plan on moving there. Everyone, besides Frank and Marie, is overjoyed fro hearing the news. Marie and Frank sell their own house to Robert and Amy for $26,000. On they day of their moving, however, Debra reveals some mixed feelings about their moving and doesn't feel right about it.
Read MoreSister-In-Law
Ray tells Robert that Amy talks too much after she chats with Ray for over an hour while he tries to watch a basketball game on TV. Of course, Robert tells Amy, which leads to a heated confrontation between ""Lady Chatterly"" and her insensitive brother-in-law.
Read MoreThe Power of No
Ray's latest manipulative plan involves constantly turning down Debra in the bedroom.
Read MorePat's Secret
Robert discovers Pat smoking and she pleads for him not to tell. Later, when Amy smells smoke on Robert, she thinks Robert smokes. Frank, Marie, Peter, Hank and Amy all think Robert smokes. Robert gets yelled at, and Pat doesn't tell the truth or back him up. The next day, Robert tells Raymond and Debra about Pat, and the family comes over. There is a bitter argument and then Ray and/or Debra yells out that Pat smokes. She confesses and tells the truth. There is another argument and Peter confesses something, then Hank, then Ray, then Debra. It ends with Frank and Marie telling them that they are weird and that they shouldn't do the stuff they are doing.
Read MoreFinale
Ray fears getting his adenoids removed, but Debra convinces him to go through with the surgery. At the hospital, while Marie is in the bathroom, the nurse says that Ray isn't waking up from the anesthesia and everyone fears he may die. Fortunately, thirty seconds later, the doctor comes out and says he's just fine. Everyone agrees not to tell Ray or Marie about it; however, Frank ends up telling Marie who rushes over to smother Ray with kisses. Ray finds out about it and begins acting weird as if he thinks he really is going to die. After a couple minutes, he gets out of it. The show closes with the entire family sitting around the table eating and arguing, just like the Barones always have in the past nine years.
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