There's a new girl in school and everyone wants to know who she has a crush on. Cartman is especially excited. He's discovered something inside himself that he never knew he had. Now, to make sure nobody gets in the way of true love, it's time for Cartman to finally let someone know exactly how he feels.

Cartman owns up to being fat and decides that driving around on a scooter is his right. Kyle sees that Cartman isn't the only one who finds no shame in his unhealthy lifestyle. Meanwhile, Cartman discovers he has a rival in America’s Sweetheart, Honey Boo Boo.