Two and a Half Men (2003)
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James Widdoes — Director
Episodes 102
Arguments for the Quickie
Mia comes back to town with her dance troupe and invites Charlie to her performance. At first, he decides not to go and tries to convince Alan that he no longer has feelings for her. He goes to the see the performance and Mia explains that she wants some of Charlie’s sperm. Charlie responds by asking Mia for something.
Read MoreThat Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
Charlie and Mia start making their wedding arrangements. Things begin to fall apart when their two families meet each other. They eventually decide on a small ceremony in Las Vegas.
Read MoreCastrating Sheep in Montana
Berta discovers that Alan has been dating her daughter Naomi.
Read MoreMy Damn Stalker
Rose is moving to London, and Charlie is surprised by his reaction to the news. Alan lies to a woman he met online.
Read MoreCity of Great Racks
Charlie and Linda get closer to consummating their relationship, but Charlie has trouble focusing when he begins to see Rose's face everywhere he turns.
Read MorePutting Swim Fins on a Cat
Charlie has to come up with ways to keep his girlfriend's 4-year-old amused; Alan becomes a test subject.
Read MoreHelp Daddy Find His Toenail
Charlie's girlfriend is embrassed to go out in public with him. Meanwhile, Jake sneaks out to attend a concert.
Read MoreMeander to Your Dander
When Alan finds himself wanting to break up with a woman, Charlie offers his expertise.
Read MoreA Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
Rose returns from England, and plays nurse rather oddly for an ill Charlie.
Read MoreThe Soil Is Moist
Alan finds out some surprising information about Judith's sex life when he decides to go on a date with one of her friends.
Read MoreWinky-Dink Time
Charlie double-dates with Jake and fixes Alan up with a hooker.
Read MoreRough Night in Hump Junction
Alan feels Charlie is unable to control his womanizing ways.
Read MoreTaterhead Is Our Love Child
In the 6th season opener, Charlie runs into an ex-girlfriend and a child who bears a striking resemblance to Charlie.
Read MorePie Hole, Herb
Charlie borrowed money from Alan and on the day he is supposed to pay him back, Alan goes to ask Charlie for the money. He again finds Charlie in bed with a beautiful woman. After Charlie shoos him out and assures him he'll get the money for him later that day, the woman asks if Charlie is really out of cash and Charlie tells her not to worry, that he has plenty of hooker money.
Read MoreThe Flavin' and the Mavin'
Alan is sure that things will turn bad when Charlie starts dating his receptionist.
Read MoreIt's Always Nazi Week
When Judith kicks Herb to the curb, Alan comes knocking; Jake is sent to stay with a less-than-willing Charlie for three months during Judith's meltdown.
Read MoreBest H.O. Money Can Buy
Alan tries to escape Judith's grasp as Charlie and Herb go on the prowl to pick up women. They later end up going back to Herb's hotel room with two prostitutes, where Herb declares his love for Judith and races over to win her back.
Read MoreThe 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?
Charlie's admission that he's in love with Chelsea gets a surprising reaction from her
Read MoreMy Son's Enormous Head
Chelsea's illness gives Charlie a chance to prove he can take care of her, but also yearning to run away from the situation.
Read MoreThe Two Finger Rule
After Chelsea discovers a nude picture of another woman on Charlie's cell phone, he blows off steam by going out for a night of drinking with Alan, Herb and his neighbor.
Read MoreHello, I Am Alan Cousteau
Charlie's desperate to make sure Chelsea and Evelyn don't befriend each other following their first meeting.
Read MoreAbove Exalted Cyclops
Chelsea is asked by Alan to arrange a blind date between he and her new friend, unaware that her new friend is Rose.
Read More818-jklpuzo
Charlie must make a difficult decision about his future and with which woman he wants to spend his life: Chelsea or Mia.
Read MoreWhipped Unto the Third Generation
When Chelsea convinces Charlie to let Alan's new girlfriend, Melissa, move in, the girls end up taking over Charlie's house.
Read MoreMmm, Fish. Yum.
Alan ends up playing maid to Judith's new baby as well as his former mother-in-law. Meanwhile, Jake uses an incriminating photo to blackmail Charlie.
Read MoreLaxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
Alan starts working for Evelyn as Charlie works to fix the relationship between Chelsea and Jake.
Read MoreFor the Sake of the Child
Jake stops at nothing to get away from Charlie and Alan, after they embarrass him out in public.
Read MoreGive Me Your Thumb
Alan's advice to Chelsea that she get breast-reduction surgery is not met with enthusiasm by Charlie, who kicks him out, but staying with Evelyn has its own challenges.
Read MoreUntainted by Filth
Alan and Charlie are shocked when they wake up next to a strange woman, and try to find out what happened.
Read MoreGorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
While overcoming a bad break-up, Chelsea invites her beautiful college roommate to stay at the house.
Read MoreCaptain Terry's Spray-On Hair
While Alan struggles to cure his baldness, Charlie deals with the problem that he can't satisfy Chelsea.
Read MoreThat's Why They Call It Ball Room
Chelsea wants Charlie to take dancing lessons for the wedding, when Charlie uncovers the truth that Chelsea has been lying about her finances.
Read MoreWarning, It's Dirty
Jake is taught the art of infidelity by Charlie, while Celeste is away for Christmas.
Read MoreFart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
Jake hopes to win back Celeste by writing her love songs. Alan and Herb hope to keep Judith from finding out they've become friends.
Read MoreYay, No Polyps!
Charlie opts to have a colonoscopy in order to avoid going on a trip with Chelsea to see her parents. However, when he returns home, he finds her parents at his house.
Read MoreCrude and Uncalled For (1)
Charlie suspects Chelsea likes the lawyer representing Alan after his arrest for a bar fight.
Read MoreAye, Aye, Captain Douche (2)
Chelsea and Charlie's relationship is at risk when Charlie's jealousy comes between them.
Read MoreTinkle Like a Princess
Charlie runs off to Vegas and returns with a new wife, but she's not Chelsea.
Read MoreI Found Your Moustache
Charlie and Chelsea have a post-breakup one-night stand.
Read MoreIxnay on the Oggie Day
Charlie has a return engagement with Chelsea's best friend, while Alan has an unexpected effect on a new female patient.
Read MoreKeith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave
Alan is torn between the bad influence of Jake's new friend and the hotness of his mother.
Read MoreI Called Him Magoo
Alan tries for an intimate night at a hotel with his new girlfriend, while Charlie takes a different approach to obtain the "girlfriend experience"
Read MoreGumby with a Pokey
Charlie is visited by the ghosts of his ex-girlfriends while Alan and Jake are on a road trip.
Read MoreThree Girls and a Guy Named Bud
When Jake finds out that Alan has been dating Eldridge's mom, he packs up and heads to Judith and Herb's. Meanwhile, Charlie decides it's time to cut back on boozing.
Read MoreA Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
Charlie is willing to do anything for Alan to accept Lyndsey's offer to move in with her.
Read MoreA Pudding-Filled Cactus
After moving in with Lyndsey, Alan continues to have a rendezvous with Melissa at Charlie's house.
Read MoreHookers, Hookers, Hookers
Lyndsey and Eldridge move into Charlie's house after their home burns down.
Read MoreThe Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
Alan pretends to be Charlie when he goes out on the town; Charlie sneaks off for cosmetic surgery.
Read MoreTwanging Your Magic Clanger
Charlie has difficulty dealing with dating a slightly older woman.
Read MoreThe Crazy Bitch Gazette
Charlie's girlfriend gets fed up with his stalker, Rose.
Read MoreSpringtime on a Stick
Charlie and Alan try to set up Evelyn with Russell the pharmacist.
Read MoreA Good Time in Central Africa
When Berta takes a couple of days off, Charlie falls for her replacement. Meanwhile, Alan believes he's being stalked by Lyndsey's ex-husband.
Read MoreOw, Ow, Don't Stop
When Charlie's ex-girlfriend Courtney is released from prison, he treats her to the good life despite her having been in prison for conning him.
Read MoreDead from the Waist Down
Alan goes to great lengths to be able to get Lyndsey a nice birthday present.
Read MoreChocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
Depressed after his breakup from Courtney (Jenny McCarthy), Charlie goes to see his psychiatrist (Jane Lynch).
Read MoreSkunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup
Alan feels paranoid when Lyndsey becomes friendly with Charlie.
Read MoreLookin' for Japanese Subs
Obsessed and believing her to be married, Charlie starts stalking Rose. Jake and Eldridge start taping themselves doing Jackass-style stunts.
Read MoreThree Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
While Charlie and Rose carry on their "affair," Alan's chiropractic business turns into a Ponzi scheme.
Read MoreThat Darn Priest
Rose and Alan discover each other's secrets. Meanwhile, Charlie's desperate to get some time alone with Rose.
Read MoreNice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
Alan and Jake meet Walden Schmidt, a broken-hearted billionaire.
Read MorePeople Who Love Peepholes
Walden deals with his ex-wife, Bridget.
Read MoreBig Girls Don't Throw Food
Alan prepares Walden for a date with Bridget, while Jake decides to emulate Walden and drop out of school.
Read MoreNine Magic Fingers
Walden goes looking for Mrs. Right while Alan has an opportunity to reconcile with Lyndsey.
Read MoreA Giant Cat Holding a Churro
Alan has trouble accepting Lyndsey's seedy movie past, and Walden tries to cheer him up by throwing a party.
Read MoreThe Squat and the Hover
Walden receives divorce papers from Bridget, but forgets his depression when he meets a girl who looks eerily like her.
Read MoreThose Fancy Japanese Toilets
Jake has a crush on his chemistry tutor, who has a crush on Walden. Meanwhile, Alan obsesses over the journal his brother left him in his will.
Read MoreThank You for the Intercourse
When Walden begins redecorating the beach house, Alan becomes overly emotional.
Read MoreFrodo's Headshots
Upon his release from the hospital, Alan is met with a slew of challenges that test his ability to cope.
Read MoreA Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
Walden hits it off with a British babe, but neither of them is sure he's ready to re-enter the dating world.
Read MoreWhat a Lovely Landing Strip
Walden is trying his best to impress his new love interest when Bridget reappears in his life.
Read MoreOne False Move, Zimbabwe!
Walden's mother arrives and Alan is smitten with her, even as she reveals a secret about Walden's past that sends him into a downward spiral.
Read MoreSlowly and in a Circular Fashion
Walden’s ex-wife and mother try to take control of his company, so he turns to Alan for help.
Read MoreA Possum on Chemo
Zoey tries to convince Walden to cut his hair and shave; Alan and Lyndsey revive their relationship.
Read MoreThe Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
Walden tries to loosen Zooey up by sharing some of Berta's special brownies.
Read MoreSips, Sonnets and Sodomy
Strained relationships and girl-fighting result when a huge storm traps Walden, Alan, Zoey and Lyndsey in the house on Valentine's Day.
Read MoreNot in My Mouth!
Walden and Zoey's relationship suffers after they share a near-death experience. Meanwhile, Alan wonders if Lyndsey has a drinking problem.
Read MoreThe War Against Gingivitis
Walden's ex-business partner shows up at the beach house looking to make peace.
Read MorePalmdale, Ech
Alan and Lyndsey introduce their mothers. Jake and Eldridge get a ride from Walden to a party.
Read MoreGrandma's Pie
Walden breaks the news to Zoey that he is going into business with his ex-wife. Alan and Lyndsey try to cope with their mom's relationship.
Read MoreMr. Hose Says 'Yes'
Walden's commitment is tested when Zoey and her daughter come to live with him. Meanwhile, Alan gets more than he bargained for when he moves in with Lyndsey
Read MoreWhy We Gave Up Women
Charlie's ghost pays a visit to Alan after he suffers a minor heart attack.
Read MoreThe Straw in My Donut Hole
Alan is showered with love and affection upon returning from the hospital, but Zoey isn’t so sure it’s deserved.
Read MoreOh Look! Al-Qaeda!
Jake is pressured to make a decision about his future.
Read MoreI Changed My Mind About the Milk
Walden plans a big surprise for Zoey's birthday.
Read MoreA Big Bag of Dog
Zoey and Walden break up, causing Walden to experience a breakdown.
Read MoreFour Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
Alan and Lyndsey decide to spice things up in the bedroom.
Read MoreAlan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003
Alan tries to find out what Lyndsey's boyfriend has over him; Walden helps Jenny pursue her acting career.
Read MoreJustice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
When Alan learns Walden knows Lynda Carter, he asks him to set him up on a date with her. Against his better judgment, Walden agrees to invite her to the house for dinner.
Read MoreSome Kind of Lesbian Zombie
Walden and Alan find themselves on dates with two ideal women until Lyndsey's jealousy throws a wrench in their evening.
Read MoreNumero Uno Accidente Lawyer
Walden goes on a date with an accident-prone model; Alan's date reveals surprising personal information about herself to him.
Read MoreBaseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.
Lyndsey's boyfriend sets Alan up on a date; Walden wants to help Nicole with her project so she will have time to date him.
Read MoreThree Fingers of Creme de Menthe
Alan finds out that Lyndsey broke up with Larry without telling him; Walden tries to prove he is a man's man.
Read MoreCab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin
Alan asks Lyndsey to choose between him and Larry; Jenny worries that she and Brooke are growing apart.
Read MoreHow to Get Rid of Alan Harper
Walden thinks his girlfriend is cheating on him; Alan starts dating Larry's sister, Gretchen (Kimberly Williams-Paisley).
Read MoreWelcome Home, Jake
Lyndsey finds out about Alan's relationship with Gretchen; Walden has a difficult time telling Barry to find his own place.
Read MoreLan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang
After reconnecting with Kate, Walden becomes convinced she is the one for him -- until he meets a woman named Vivian (Mila Kunis).
Read MoreDial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot
Alan's girlfriend, Gretchen, insists he confess his true identity to Larry. Meanwhile, Walden goes on a road trip with Jenny and Barry to see his first car.
Read MoreOh, WALD-E, Good Times Ahead
Alan must face the consequences after revealing his identity to Larry.
Read MoreThe Ol' Mexican Spinach
After a health scare on Halloween, Walden decides he needs to change his life.
Read MoreA Chic Bar in Ibiza
Alan has second thoughts about getting married after he's asked to sign a pre-nup.
Read MoreGlamping in a Yurt
Alan and Walden have a meeting with an adoption social worker that hinges on them being convincing as a loving couple. Lyndsey returns after 60 days in rehab.
Read MoreThirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight
A birth mother considers having Walden and Alan adopt her baby.
Read More