When Schmidt's plans for his 29th birthday fall apart, Jess takes charge and enlists the help of her school's party hungry vice-principal. Meanwhile, Nick begrudgingly has his first date at Schmidt's party with a beautiful lawyer who harbors a secret, and the gang wonders who placed a 50 dollar bill in the douchebag jar.

Nick panics when Julia doesn't want to put a label on their relationship. Meanwhile, Jess enlists Julia to help her get out of a traffic ticket, Winston reconnects with a former booty call and Schmidt is baffled as to why his shower towel is always damp.

Single for the first time on Valentine's Day, Jess convinces Schmidt to be her wingman as she attempts to have an attachment-free fling with a handsome stranger. Nick's romantic plans are foiled when he finds himself spending more time with Julia's law firm assistant than with her. Winston becomes one of the girls when Shelby invites him over on the holiday.

When Jess tries to intervene with a classroom bully she finds herself the target of the bad seed student. Schmidt, meanwhile, is thrilled over his post-Valentine's sexcapades, but hates that his paramour wants to keep it a secret; and Nick goes into a tailspin when Julia sends him a cactus.