Alex encourages Roy to drop out of an alumni football game, despite the urging of Mother Buchanan, who wants her son to uphold the family tradition. After Roy follows his mother's wishes, he sustains a mild heart attack on the field and Mother Buchanan reveals a secret to her daughters-in-law that threatens to destroy her own relationship with Alex. Meanwhile, Bree acts as cheerleader for the home team.

While preparing for a family portrait, Mother Buchanan insists that Bree stands on the left, so she can be cropped out of the picture if her marriage doesn't work. Horrified, Bree goes to her sisters-in-law for advice, and they each reveal how they became Buchanans. Alex, who was still a hippy protestor, got in good with Emma's mother-in-law; Vivian only got to marry Ed because she was pregnant; and Delilah married Charles, since she thought he was her ""guardian angel.""