Steven Anthony Lawrence as

Episodes 16

Secret World of Girls

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July 20, 2001
2x5

Ren is having a ""young women's all-night forum""--better known as a slumber party--and she wants everyone to clear out of the house on Saturday night. All the family members agree, including Louis, who says he'll be sleeping over at Twitty's. But he's got a plan--to put hidden cameras in the house and broadcast the evening as ""The Secret World of Girls,"" charging $10 a head to his fellow male students to watch.

There's been a young kid spying on Louis and Twitty. They catch him and demand to know what he wants. It turns out the youngster is new in town and is just looking for someone to hang out with. The boys are on the verge of turning him away, but Louis likes his nerve, and nicknames him ""Beans."" After Louis and Twitty wire up the house, Beans distributes flyers promoting the big pay-per-view evening to be held in the Stevens basement.

Plenty of guys show up for the broadcast, but it's not very long until the girls all go upstairs, where there is no camera! Louis is faced with an an

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Broadcast Blues

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July 27, 2001
2x6

Ren is all set to watch her favorite newscaster and role model, Cynthia Mills, but she's bothered by Louis and Twitty, who are big fans of the station's clownish weatherman, Zippy Winds. Ren mentions that she is entering a newscasting contest for students with a prize that includes meeting Ms. Mills. This excites the boys, who see it as a chance to meet their idol Zippy. But when Ren interviews Tawny the next day at school for an audition tape, Louis is sure that her subject will be too dull to win. He uses the annoying neighbor Beans as part of his plan for a more exciting entry. Using a earpiece, the guys feed Beans information that makes him look like an incredible genius. Ren hears him spouting off all his ""knowledge"" and decides to use him in her audition tape.

Meanwhile, Donnie secretly watches a videotape called Look Smart, Be Smart."" It gives him all sorts of superficial advice to make him appear more intelligent. He tries out his new image on Ren and his parents, but they just

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A Very Scary Story

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October 19, 2001
2x13

It was a dark and stormy night... just before Halloween as Ren sits and watches a horror movie alone. She gets a terrifying ""I know you're home alone"" call from someone, but it turns out to be Louis, dressed in his penguin jockey outfit.

At school the next day, Ren is the only person not dressed in a Halloween costume. Instead, she is encouraging all the students to get eye examinations, which are being given by Principal Wexler and Coach Tunut, who are looking and acting suspiciously like Dr. Frankenstein and Igor. Meanwhile, Louis has plans for the greatest Halloween prank ever, eyeballs in the turkey gravy. But by lunchtime, his cohorts Tom, Tawny and Twitty have flaked on him. They've all taken the eye exam and are now drinking milk and talking and acting responsibly, like Ren. In fact, everyone now is looking and acting the same way. When they take their dark glasses off--they're missing their eyeballs!

Louis runs down the hall in terror trying to escape, surrounded by zombie-like

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Tight End in Traction

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January 11, 2002
2x20

Donnie is going to be inducted into the Lawrence Jr. High Wombat Hall of Fame and Louis is getting a little perturbed at his brother because of all the things he gets away with simply because he's an athletic star. His dad ignores his complaints, so Louis plans his own stunt to get even. At the Hall of Fame induction ceremony, a choked-up Coach Tugnut introduces Donnie and tells him that the Texas State University football coach Specs Richardson is on his way to Sacramento right now with plans to offer Donnie a full athletic scholarship. Donnie is set to demonstrate his title-winning gymnastics routine on the pommel horse. Louis has tampered with the horse, though, and when Donnie gets on, it bucks like a mechanical bull. Donnie is thrown high in the air and lands hard on the ground, as Louis and Twitty look on in shock.

Meanwhile, Ren is fed up with Beans (who seems to be at the Stevens house all the time) and his practical jokes and uncivilized behavior. But she soon gets frustrated

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Gutter Queen

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Season Finale
February 15, 2002
2x22

Ruby and Monique are reluctant to sign up for the mother-daughter bowling night that Ren is organizing; they're afraid their moms will embarrass them. However it turns out those girls have fun with their mothers while it's Ren who is embarrassed by her mother Eileen's awful bowling. Ren is glad that the one-time bowling night is over, but Mom brings home a surprise: she had so much fun that she enrolled herself and Ren in a mother-daughter league. Meanwhile, Louis has used the $500 he won in a radio station's stinky feet contest to hire a butler, Chives. His servant waits on him hand and foot, at home and at school, even serving detention for Louis. Beans is hanging out at the Stevens house, being his usual annoying self and Louis orders Chives to toss him out.

Ren comes to see Louis to tell her about her problem with their mom and the way she's embarrassing her, but Louis has her thrown out of his room too. Although, Chives the butler steps out of her servant's role and scolds Louis for turning away his sister when she needed his help. At the bowling alley Ren tries to get her mom to take the bowling seriously but Eileen is as bad as ever and still having fun. Louis and Chives put on maintenance uniforms so they can sneak in behind the pins and replace Eileen's ball with a magnetic one, plus they put a metallic bowling pin in as well. The result is strike after strike for Eileen. Louis and Chives are found out and are chased around the bowling alley. Ren tells her mom that she was embarrassed by her terrible bowling but she was also puzzled that her mother wasn't concerned about how bad she was. Eileen says that she just looked at it as a fun way to relax from more important things, like her job. At home, Chives returns with the bad check that Louis gave him. To pay him back, Louis must now wait hand and foot on Chives and Beans too, as Louis serves up some bacon for the pair.

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Band on the Roof

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May 3, 2002
3x5

In the form of a ""rockumentary"" directed by that noted filmmaker Tom Gribalski, we witness the ups and downs of the Twitty-Stevens Connection, the rock band featuring Alan Twitty on guitar, Louis Stevens on drums, Ren Stevens on vocals, Tawny Dean on keyboards and Artie Ryan on bass, who is replaced by another bass guitarist--would you believe Beans? The rest of the Stevens family is delighted and amazed to find that Ren and Louis are actually getting along and working together as songwriters. But a problem soon arises. Louis comes up with an idea for a rooftop concert to be given at the school, a la the Beatles and U2, even though Principal Wexler will not give permission for it. Ren won't go along with the idea, leading to a big argument between her and Louis, and she quits the band over the dispute.

Louis pushes ahead with his idea and the group manage to sneak their equipment onto the roof past Mr. Wexler and Coach Tugnut. But one by one the nervous band members drop out of the pro

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Little Mr. Sacktown

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May 10, 2002
3x6

Louis and Twitty are not too impressed when Tom shows off his cousin Grayson, the reigning two-time winner of the ""Little Mr. Sacremento"" pageant, but when they hear there is a $1000 prize for the contest winner, they team up with Tawny to try and groom Beans to be a contestant. It isn't easy though; Beans' only talent is--ah, making a certain kind of noise with his cupped hand and armpit to the tune of ""Polly Wolly Doodle!"" Louis tries to teach him another talent, but is frustrated. Beans overhears Louis complaining to his mother than the youngster is hopeless. With his feelings hurt, Beans goes to drown his sorrows in a plate of bacon at the Bacon Shack.

Louis finds Beans and tells him a secret: he himself was once in the Little Mr. Sacktown pageant, but he blew his chance many years ago. Beans thinks that Louis is realy trying to satisfy his own ego and tells him that he'll stay in the pageant, but he won't use Louis' help. With the Stevens family watching on TV, the pageant begins,

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Raiders of the Lost Sausage

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May 31, 2002
3x7

When an emu that Louis ordered arrives through the mail, his dad Steve puts his foot down on his son's get-rich-quick schemes. But Louis is not so easy to stop. While he's bowling with Twitty and Tom in his basement using milk cartons and a frozen turkey, Louis knocks a hole in the wall revealing a heretofore unkown tunnel. Louis does some research and finds that a rich businessman who made sausages once owned the land their house is on, so along with the other boys and Beans they start excavating the filled-in tunnel hoping to find some of the man's lost wealth. When Steve finds out he's upset with Louis, but soon he goes on an Indiana Jones-type mission with him to recover the treasure Louis has located: A large gold-encrusted sausage!

Also, Ren and Larry Beale's rivalry is responsible for Principal Wexler getting a couple of pies in the face, so he sends them to the school's somewhat flaky counselor Miss Shannon, who decides on a radical therapy: she tethers them together! After a c

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3x8

Ren gets stuck tutoring Beans in a writing program. Meanwhile downstairs at the Stevens house Louis and Twitty get spooked after watching a show about possible alien life on Earth. They get even more scared when a mysterious man in black named Mason comes to the door looking for Beans. But the youngster has disappeared all of a sudden just as mysteriously. Louis and Twitty's imaginations begin to run wild. What do they really know about Beans? Could he be...an alien from outer space? Nervously, the boys secretly track Beans home to his house. Louis and Twitty are laughing at themselves for being so paranoid, but then they look in the window to see Beans greeting his parents--two gigantic bugs! The guys run away screaming.

When the boys tell the story to Ren she of course thinks they're nuts, but after she sees the story that Beans has written is printed in indecipherable symbols, she too begins to get paranoid. Once again Beans, as always, pops up mysteriously in the house. But the gov

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Hutch Boy

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July 5, 2002
3x10

Louis is being threatened by Lloyd, a bully at his school. Tom tells Louis that he needs to stand up to Lloyd, but Louis dismisses Tom's advice, inferring that he's a wimp who doesn't know what he's talking about. But Louis isn't handling Lloyd very well, and in shop class Lloyd humiliates Louis by putting the smaller guy into a hutch (cabinet) that he's building. Tom decides he's seen enough. As calm as Clint Eastwood, he strolls up to Lloyd and tells him to stop. Then he surprises everyone by putting on a dazzling display of karate moves, breaking boards and other pieces of wood left and right! Lloyd immediately backs down.

In an instant, Tom changes in the eyes of Louis from a wimp to a hero. He tells Tom he wants to be his student and learn his ways. But before his first lesson, Louis impulsively calls up Lloyd and invites him to meet in an alley for a showdown. Tom then tells him it will take Louis nine years to learn his teachings! Louis learns all he can in one day, then goes to

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Beans on the Brain

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September 16, 2002
3x16

Louis, Twitty and Tom are engaging in one of their usual crazy pursuits (this time trying to walk on the ceiling!) when they find that Beans has once again snuck into the house and is annoying them. Beans says he has a cousin named Chris that the guys might like to meet, but they throw him out anyway, only to find out that not only is Chris a girl, she's a pretty one, too! Now all of a sudden Louis and his friends are fawning all over Beans, hoping that he will introduce them to his cousin. Beans puts them through a test and decides he'll let Louis meet her. Louis arranges to take a gondola ride with Chris, but she shows up with Beans in tow. Louis manages to ditch Beans, and on the gondola ride sparks start to fly between him and Chris. She gives him permission to kiss her, but when Louis starts to move in on her, Chris' head morphs into a replica of--Beans!! Louis screams in horror!

At school Twitty and Tom want to know all the juicy details about Louis' date, but Louis is still trau

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Snow Job

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September 23, 2002
3x17

In Mr. Lopez's algebra class, Tawny and Twitty are doing great, but Louis is pretty much clueless. Despite his teacher's warning about the upcoming mid-term, Louis shows no concern about learning the material. Instead he spends his time with Beans working on some strange device. We soon learn what its purpose is: it's a snow machine, and Louis takes it to Principal Wexler's house to try and fool him by faking a blizzard so he will cancel classes on the day of the algebra exam. The ruse almost works until Ren comes along and blows Louis' cover. In a meeting with Mr. and Mrs. Stevens, Wexler comes down hard on Louis, suspending him for a week.

Eileen Stevens takes the job of tutoring her son while he's out of school and she puts him through a tough course of learning. But Louis still gets nowhere with the algebra. Ren confronts Louis and asks why he went to such trouble to get out of a test. Louis admits that he just doesn't understand anything about algebra but is embarrassed to admit t

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Stevens Manor

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October 28, 2002
3x18

Louis has a scheme to raise money for a snowboarding trip for himself, Twitty, Tawny and Tom. While everyone else is out of the house on a weekend night, he plans to turn his home into ""Stevens Manor,"" a bed and breakfast inn, and he's already got guests' reservations! When his parents leave on an anniversary trip, he and his friends put on monogrammed shirts, redecorate the house, and greet their new arrivals, who find that the staff includes Tawny playing cocktail-lounge piano and Beans as a masseur! Despite some near-disasters (like Tom turning out to be an obnoxious waiter), the guys seem to be pulling off their plan.

Meanwhile Ren is at a sleepover at Ruby's, who is down after breaking up with her boyfriend. The two plan a ""boy-free"" evening, but when her ex calls on the phone, Ruby spends the night talking to him. Ren goes home in disgust and climbs in her bed only to find--there's someone already in it! Ren hits the roof when she finds out what Louis has done and is immediately

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Surf's Up

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March 31, 2003
3x20

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In Ren We Trust

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May 19, 2003
3x21

At school, Louis and Tom are fooling around with Tom's boomerang when Louis flings it in the direction of Ren, Ruby and Monique, nearly hitting them. The group looks for the lost boomerang, but instead of finding it Ren stumbles upon something else. a metal briefcase, the kind used to carry large sums of cash! When the gang gets home, they open it up and check it out. Amazingly, they find that it IS full of money--$4,412 to be exact! Everyone starts mentally dividing up the loot and deciding how they are going to spend it--except for Ren, of course. Though the others are reluctant, they finally listen to Ren when she tells them the money is not theirs and must be turned over to the proper authorities. They all agree that Ren, being the most responsible one, should take the money to the police.

But on the way to the station, Ren sees a pair of lizard-skin pants in the window of an expensive botique. She stops in to look, and the saleswoman there does quite a sales job on her, so much so

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Leavin' Stevens

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Season Finale
June 2, 2003
3x22

As the Stevens family watches the television anxiously on election night, Eileen is declared the winner of a seat in the United States House of Representatives! This means big--and immediate--changes for everyone, as the family makes hasty plans to move to Washington, D.C. On Louis' last day of school, he and Twitty are sorry to be parted, of course, but neither seems quite as upset as Tom, who's nearly in tears. When it comes time to say goodbye to Tawny, she and Louis awkwardly grope for the right words to say. Louis is on the verge of telling her that he'll miss her, but instead says he'll miss the cafeteria's chili fries!

Ren, Ruby and Monique aren't having any trouble expressing themselves, however; all three girls are upset. True to her usual efficient self, though, Ren goes out and finds a new best friend for her two mates. Her name is Denise, and she's a virtual clone of Ren! Meanwhile when Donnie tells Coach Tugnut he's leaving town, the news sends the coach into a catatonic

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