Baffled human wreck Dan Ashcroft watches in horror as his world is over-run with 24 carat berks, led by a strutting, brainless cock-of-the-walk called Nathan Barley, who, distressingly, has designs on Dan's sister Claire.

Dan is canonised against his will, while Nathan throws a party for his God-defeatingly rubbish website and oozes closer to Claire.

While Dan is plagued by a shrieking twit of a photographer called 15Peter20, Nathan grooms Claire with alcohol and unsolicited breast massage.

Dan accidentally creates a new hairstyle after sleeping in paint. Nathan tries to impress glam TV chick Dajve ""dave"" Bikinus. Something is killed.

Editor Jonatton wants Dan to take part in some straight-on-straight gay action. A coke-blasted model proves an irresistible lure for Nathan.