I thought it was pretty good because he knew the most effective way to hurt her.

Your ideas 1-3 aren't bad. I don't think the 4th one is much of a punishment because most people like pizza. Even if she was forced to pay for the pizza, she would have food to eat and it would save her a trip to the store. I have a couple ideas that are on the harsher side...

Maybe load some of those springy snakes in a can of nuts? Then wait for her to open the can.

Also, he could have showed up for the date but then got his revenge by having her sniff the flower on his lapel. But what she doesn't know is it's a fake flower that squirts water. So when she leans in to smell it, her face is completely soaked. Soaked with water. That would both embarrass and humiliate her, especially if it made her mascara run.

@Kewl_Kat said:

Your ideas 1-3 aren't bad. I don't think the 4th one is much of a punishment because most people like pizza. Even if she was forced to pay for the pizza, she would have food to eat and it would save her a trip to the store. I have a couple ideas that are on the harsher side...

Maybe load some of those springy snakes in a can of nuts? Then wait for her to open the can.

Also, he could have showed up for the date but then got his revenge by having her sniff the flower on his lapel. But what she doesn't know is it's a fake flower that squirts water. So when she leans in to smell it, her face is completely soaked. Soaked with water. That would both embarrass and humiliate her, especially if it made her mascara run.

I like the way you think.

I can only imagine Edward every night mumbling and cursing to himself "I'm going to get that bit*h. Just you wait. Oh,boy...I'm going to get that bi*ch so bad" and crying himself to sleep and then finally years later doing the dinner ditch and again sitting at home alone cackling like a maniac again cursing to himself "Yeah take that. I got that bit*h. Yeah I got that bi*ch good!"

I thought of another revenge move. Edward could offer her a piece of gum that isn't gum at all. It would be fake. What looks to her to be a stick of gum is really like a tiny mouse trap that trips when she goes to take the piece out of the package. It wouldn't draw blood or anything but it would certainly give her finger a real sting... similar to the feeling one gets if snapped with a rubber band.

Gum revenge

@Kewl_Kat said:

I thought of another revenge move. Edward could offer her a piece of gum that isn't gum at all. It would be fake. What looks to her to be a stick of gum is really like a tiny mouse trap that trips when she goes to take the piece out of the package. It wouldn't draw blood or anything but it would certainly give her finger a real sting... similar to the feeling one gets if snapped with a rubber band.

Gum revenge

That one's a classic. I have a few more of mine:

-Offer her a cigarette, but little does she know it's one of those candy cigarettes. Edward can only imagine the stupid look on her face trying to smoke that candy cigarette.

-Sneak into her house and when she is sleeping put some shaving cream on her hand and tickle her face with a feather. She will automatically try to scratch that itch with her hand and slap some shaving cream in her face. This would be the time for Edward to hightail it out of the house real quicklike, but maybe throw a cherrybomb down her toilet while he is making a run for it.

-Say here's a gift for you and give her a giant locked chest that is filled with progressively smaller locked chests like one of those russian nesting dolls and give her a huge keychain consisting of almost a hundred keys and when she ultimately get's to the smallest chest there is nothing there. Again Edward can't help but to cackle alone at home like a maniac when he thinks how much time she wasted opening those chests.

I agree what you said about ordering pizzas to her house, but at the same time Edward seemed so obsessed that I think he knows what she doesn't like. Also you know how some of those online pizza services allow you to fill 'other wishes' in it and you can request that the pizza parlor write something on the cardboard pizza box on your behalf. So Edward could use this to exact his revenge as well. Let's say, for example, that she doesn't like corn so order her 10 pizzas with no sauce or cheese and just the bread and corn on it and ask them to write a message like 'FU*K WITH THE BULL AND YOU GET THE CORN' on the inside of the box.

You know the more I think about it the more I can't help the feeling that for a writer Edward sure didn't possess much imagination.

I like your new ideas. They are so mean but if anyone deserves it, it's Susan. The pizza one is better now, too. It would be especially effective if Susan had a gluten allergy. Not only would the rude message make her sad, she just might get a stomachache if she ate some of it.

I thought of another thing that might drive Susan crazy. Edward could really turn the tables on her with a well-timed knock knock joke that goes on way too long. There is one that I'm thinking about that can be so annoying. It's the one that goes:

"knock knock" "Who's there?" "Banana" "Banana who?"

But instead of giving the answer, you repeat it...

"knock knock" "Who's there?" "Banana" "Banana who?"

You keep doing it over and over and over until you finally go

"knock knock" "Who's there?" "Orange!" "Orange who?" "Orange you glad I didn't say banana!?!"

This would be perfect if she was rushing to get out the door because she had a pressing engagement... like going to one of her art shows. Imagine if she walked in late, way after all the chubby ladies were done dancing, because of a stupid knock knock joke! Hahaha.

His novel was the revenge, not the fact that he stood her up...