There ain't no falls in L.A.

Mulholland Falls is directed by Lee Tamahori and written by Pete Dexter. It stars Nick Nolte, Chazz Palminteri, Melanie Griffith, Michael Madsen, Chris Penn, Jennifer Connelly, Treat Williams, John Malkovich, Bruce Dern and Andrew McCarthy. Music is by Dave Grusin and cinematography by Haskell Wexler.

1950s Los Angeles and four unorthodox detectives led by Maxwell Hoover (Nolte) are called in to investigate the death of a young woman found crushed at a construction site. The woman is revealed to be an aspiring actress who had recently had a relationship with... read the rest.

Well.... Andrew McCarthy does an excellent job, but everyone else kind of phones it in, including the director.

It's supposed to be a kind of Neo Noir, but it never really feels as gritty or as mysterious as a noir should and the femme fatales never really feel as fatal and ominous and devious as they should.

The detectives aren't really hard boiled, not even Madison who always seems to be hard boiled. The detectives also never really get around to doing much detecting.

In the end it's really, honestly, only Andrew McCarthy that even looks like he's trying. Other than that it's just fo... read the rest.